If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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