did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
