New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
