she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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