smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
