I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
