i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
