Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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