Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.

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(585): View more from New York

The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.

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(516): View more from New York

Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did mom hear me barking???

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

sooo high. sooo many dog friends

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Well that actually sounds reasonable

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