you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
