Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
