At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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