i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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