this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
