im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
