so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
