Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
