people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
