my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
