Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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