Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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