dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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