How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
