Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
