D3 body, D1 cock
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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