How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
