Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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