I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
