I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
