Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
