I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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