I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize