home. puking in laundry basket.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want to be your penis for a week.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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