I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
