Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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