Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
