Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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