Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
