okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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