I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
