I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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