yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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