I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
