I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
