is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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