he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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