So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
