you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
