all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
