Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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