I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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