did you get engaged???
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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