so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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