oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
