i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
