Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
