I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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