Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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