well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
