Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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