I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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