My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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