Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They have beer where we have blood.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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