We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
