i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
