dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
