I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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